It’s kinda dumb, it all started with my favorite game, Minecraft.

A while ago I asked my best friend, Tiff, if we could have a talk. They agreed as we have had a few in the past. My mind was angry but my heart wanted to fix these issues I’m having with her. I was alone in my big and quiet room, plushies on my shelves and my fairy lights shining bright. My head on my pillow wrapped in silk and cuddling my favorite plush. The phone rang, and I waited to see her face on my small screen.

Eventually, she picked up and told me, “I’ll talk, you listen. Then you talk, I’ll listen.”

I agreed as this always helped us get through what we needed to say. She told me her side of the story, that she just wanted to explore the open world game and said she didn’t like how controlling I can be.

“I like doing my own thing, Rain. I don’t want or like anyone telling me what to do.”

I understood what she said and began to tell my side of the story. With this certain game, I enjoy preparing everything before I actually explore. I now realize from this situation that maybe I can be the problem — my obsessiveness and my need to control my surroundings.

“Tiff, I’m sorry. It’s not an excuse, but I always feel the need to take the role as leader and help guide everyone. All you could’ve done was communicate with me.”

We continued to talk, lots of emotions zooming around both our minds. My need to control came from my having no control over my childhood. Everything was a mess, and it made me feel overwhelmed and scared. I told Tiff this not as an excuse but as an explanation.

After our conversation I decided to change for my friends, for my family, and, most importantly, for myself. I promised to better myself and remember that it’s okay to not have control.

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Rain (Ashley) Vigil is a senior at Edward L. Wenzlaff Education Center in Desert Hot Springs, California. Rain’s passion is art in its many forms. Rain is the president of the Gay Student Alliance on campus. They plan to attend college and study art. They hope to become known for their meaningful art.

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