Kasey Medina

"Golden Eagle," in watercolor, by Lauren Frame. Watercolor on paper of side view of head of golden eagle bird. Colors of yellow, red, brown, gray, black, white.
“Golden Eagle,” in watercolor, by Lauren Frame

I Am “Sick Girl”

I am “sick girl.”

I wonder if there will ever be a way to get rid of the things that stop me.

I hear the people who understand me, my everything; my people.

I see the million sets of eyes on me, I stare back at them, I am no different.

I want to feel free from the chains of inability, longing to be like those around me.

I am “sick girl.”

I pretend to be like you, and all the rest, not me, nor I; just you.

I feel the air leaving me, my heart sinking to the balls of my heavy feet when they say, “Go help
her!” and I never even got a chance to try.

I touch my mother’s hidden worry as I hold her comforting smile between my small hands. It all
felt so condescending, her cold tears hit my warm beating skin as she held me tighter than
ever before.

I worry that my differences set me aside too far, isolation filling my deepest peace of mind; the
little girl inside me terrified.

I cry for being underestimated, as if held in a baby’s cradle, caged by a family who cares “too much”
for the porcelain doll, afraid I may break, crack, or shatter; too fragile, always dependent.

I am “sick girl.”

I understand there will never be a cure to “gift” me the luxury of normality others take for

“I will find a way someday,” I say, to help them understand,
I dream of being freed from the smothering cage of possessing love, no longer “sick girl” or the
fragile doll I never ought to be.

I try to make them all proud, to finally be equal, or more, “be smart” they say, yet I have much
more to prove, their typicality forever angering the flames of my envy.

I hope that someday I am seen as me and nothing else, that I can run just like you and win, by
never shattering like this again.

I am “sick girl.”

Kasey Medina was born in Westminster, California, and was raised since age four in the downtown parts of San Bernardino. Medina has had a lifelong passion for fine arts, writing, and music. She recently placed second in the Poetry Out Loud County Finals representing San Bernardino County. She is a sophomore at Norton Science and Language Academy. She is doing her best to accomplish her goals in hopes of becoming an author.