Jenna Lane

Mind v. Room

Once wide with innocence, excitement of new, the place for a nap and wondrous dreams. A peaceful retreat from the noise of the fam and with spacious windows to pending adventures.

It grew bigger with the addition of friends, dancing and cheering – expanding with teenage secrets. Music and posters and clothes all seemed to keep my space of supposed slumber alive and filled with boundless possibilities.

At a time of anticipated departure, to college, to an unknown independence and a life with no ceilings – in came the bulldozer, destroying my very foundation. It was a pain, that to this day, is too deep to be uncovered. The loss of a love like no other. The only person who could ever see me – penetrating my juvenile walls. The blow was too powerful to withstand, and I fell through the bottom of the earth- dare say to the hot spot where my thoughts may take me.

Am I locked in my room or locked in my mind?

My refuge was closed. No one to enter, not light, not air – leave me to my darkness and despair.

Then the world shut down. My sanctuary closed in. A virus so deadly confined me to my area. Fear, dread, panic and tears were my new friends. The walls were painted black and the pressure intensified through the layers of gray matter and drywall.

Government went mad, the whole system insane, stay in place- and stare at your screen. All I can see is my own pathetic reflection screaming back at me. Should I dare venture to be reunited with my beloved Pa? Shall I break free from the shattering of glass and the pounding of nails exploding in my head?

I am cemented in my chamber. My form does not extend past my pillow or feet. There are no windows, no walls, no doors. Am I locked in my room or locked in my mind?

Can I muster the strength? Can I gather the tools, to mobilize the will, to place my feet on the floor. But where to go – and why? All purpose and construction are stalled- the world is in lockdown.

And my walls are closing in…

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